Here I am blogging after a long gap. I was on an emotional roller coaster and I have come to the conclusion that I absolutely detest rollercoasters.(physical, mental any kind!) They’re scary, unpredictable and make you scream till your throat hurts. Perhaps everyone has gone through or is going through these daunting rides. These are my views on how to let go of the past and have a great present and a superb future. I am no psychiatrist so don’t take these pointers as a doctor’s prescription.
1. Lament your loss
Yes. Go ahead, scream, yell, scribble, and even cry. Let it all out and it’s definitely going to make you feel much lighter and probably a little bit more like a child. Bringing out the child in us makes us feel easy and human-like. Those were times when it didn’t matter if we wore a bright orange bow with a parrot green dress, or how messy our shoes were. It brings back the simplicity that we lived in before the societal stigma stepped into our then innocent lives. So, give them your full attention and once you think you have eased up, don’t sugar coat them because if you do they’ll be lingering around the corner waiting to jump back.
My biggest regret would be trusting everyone that smiled at me or was even remotely nice to me. It took me this long to be able to say it out loud. Not everyone that hangs out with you every day or watches you gleam with joy is your trusted partner. The ones I thought would probably be there for eternity, let go of me as easy as you would throw away a tissue paper. So I have come to terms with this fact and I am learning to be more conscious of the people I let into my life or rather invest in. (I have developed a serious amount of trust issues but I think I’ll learn how to get rid of them slowly too.) Similarly, declutter your life.
2. Pardon yourself
Now that you have cried about it and pushed it all out into the air, it’s time to forgive yourself. This is crucial to moving on from the past for it is probably the longest of the battles in the war that you’re fighting. It is a war between your inner critic(the perfectionist voice in your head that berates and condemns) and the kind and loving person you want to be.
Whenever the inner critic gears up for battle, here’s what the kind voice needs to say:
You did the best you could at the time. If you had known better, you would have done better. If you had been capable of doing better, you would have done better. You didn’t have all the knowledge, foresight, maturity and strength and emotional intelligence and self-awareness than that you have now. You did the best you could with what you had.
The kind side hasn’t won over me yet but eventually, I know it will because I believe that happiness always triumphs.
3. Focus on changing your future
Now that you’re almost there, the next step is to live each day as if it were your last. This sounds very philosophical and deep but it works wonders! What if you had a huge fight with your family and you walked out just before you left for work or school? And God forbid, but something unfortunate happens and it ended up being your last day? A deep sense of guilt keeps your family awake. But in contrast, what if the opposite took place? The happy memories flood in them. Imagine every day of your life was a happy memory, think about the string of exotic memories that you leave behind.
Now you’ll probably be thinking, yeah it all sounds like a profound Guruji talking about, ” Positivity, Clear your mind, yadda, yadda, blah, blah…” and none of this is ever applicable. (Hell, my inner critic is saying that to me right now as I’m writing.) But only if I make a conscious effort in the present will it make any difference in the future that I aspire to be in. The same applies to you as well!
I’m not really sure if this helped you, but let’s get on this bandwagon together and kick out the regrets of your past live a happy life?