You have probably read too many women’s day blog posts and watched too many videos that are passive aggressive or just plain aggressive. Oh, I watched a lot of them too and nodded my head agreeing with every word they said. But one of them really caught my attention and I would like to share my thoughts as well.
Now you might presume this is a man bashing write up, but all you dear men reading this, trust me it isn’t. Being a woman, the biggest threat to us is assumed to be men. Men are rapists, they are always horny, they always want to get into our pants. They are judgemental, harassing and dominating and always ready to pull us down. But do you really think men are the only threat to a woman?
As a woman have you realized there are so many instances when you have been a threat to someone of your own kind? Remember the time when you pealed your eyes when you saw that boho girl next door walk out of her house in a pair of shorts and a spaghetti straps with black nail paint on her nails and a lot of chunky jewelry? Why so? Did you admire her style of dressing or did you judge her and call her a slut in your head? Half the girls in our country don’t wear the clothes they are actually comfortable in, not because of the mean men standing outside, but because of the judgemental aunties who live right next door. A crop top is not okay because it shows 2 inches of a girl’s midriff, but a saree is totally fine even though it shows 4 inches of the same midriff. (That hypocrisy though.) Now let alone dressing, even if you walk out in fully covered clothing, there will always be at least one aunty to say something. If a male friend drops you home, the aunty who is busy with her evening soap operas will take her timeout and wait till you get out of the car, or bike and nod her head disapprovingly and her other aunty friends will already be on speed dial waiting to hear the story.
“Eyy, why you so behenji? Wear something little more hep!”
“How are you so dark? You drink too much coffee or what? Wear some makeup.”
“Che che che, Lose some weight, eat less, do yoga!”
“Malnourished or what? No food at home? Men want some meat on the girl not only haddi!”
“Ohhoo! How is it that you have only male friends? So many boyfriends eh?”
PHEW! Their snooty comments are never-ending. You would want to gag them and beat them up like all the Tamil comedians get beaten up in movies!
Here is another instance, a smart young woman, very successful in her professional life, energetic and passionate about the work she does is always a prey amongst her hawk-eyed female colleagues. How many times have you been jealous of the appraisal of your female work friend? Yes, you shake hands with her and hug her congratulating her success but at the same time, you are wondering, “What did she do to get herself a promotion? How did she coax the boss? She must have flirted her way into it!” Cold wars and ego issues between women have become as normal as hearing about a rich man running away with the country’s money. How many times have you genuinely complimented your female co-worker for her the way she’s dressed that day or applauded her work? You might say, “Oh no! We don’t belong in that category women. I am very honest and I don’t bring anybody down.” But really, does that actually happen?
Now come down a little more into your close-knit circle. You meet this girl on the first day of college, and you vouch to be best friends for life. You get matching clothes and accessories and put up posts all over social media with #BestiesForLife. Four years down the line, all these posts only come up as a memory on your Facebook wall. You might say you have different priorities, goals and a lot more responsibilities. But imagine this situation, what if you and your best friend got into the same company for work, got married around the same time, probably were each other’s maid of honor, I’m sure you would have stuck around being best friends just because you have so much in common to discuss. Angry husbands, whiny children, overworking bosses and not to forget Mothers-in-law! But this rarely ever happens. Your current financial status is enough to forget those days you spent Rs 20 on your lunch. You start feeling inferior when your friend is doing better than you and that’s where you put your ego above the four years of friendship. You develop a complex within yourself over matters that were so insignificant when you were in college.
Now, what’s the solution to these issues? It all starts from home, the first solution is to all the mothers. We scream and fight so much about gender equality and feminism, and a mother is the best mode of action. The next time your relatives come home, don’t overwork your daughter. Split the chores between your daughter and son. Just because he’s got the Y chromosome, doesn’t give him the status of being a king. If you imbibe the thought that only women do household chores, he’s going to be dependent on women and assumes that only women do these tasks.
Every single issue between you and your girlfriends will be sorted out if you take the time out and openly talk about them. Remember women have better problem-solving skills. What if you didn’t feel jealous of that friend who’s settled abroad? What if that drives you to achieve more? What if you didn’t judge each other? What if you didn’t speak ill of each other? I’m sure most of the problems women face in their day to day lives if all of these solutions are put into action. Also, if we call each other sluts and whore, it makes it okay for men to call us the same! If you treat a girl like a garbage disposal bin, it makes it okay for everyone else to do the same! Let’s try to be supportive of one another and push each other to achieve higher in a positive way.
#GirlForAGirl I’m in this motive, are you?